Surviving Summer with Four Boys, a Sense of Humor, and Maybe a Lock on the Pantry
There’s a very specific emotional rollercoaster that happens during the final week of school for parents. It starts with a cheerful, “We made it!” quickly veers into, “Wait, they’re going to be home all day every day?” and ends in a quiet whisper of, “Lord, grant me the patience of a saint and the caffeine of a barista.”
As a mom of four boys—ages 11, 9, 5, and a delightful 6-month-old who has already mastered the art of chaos—I am currently in the pre-summer mental training phase. This is not unlike prepping for a marathon, except there’s more laundry, louder screaming, and zero medals at the end. Unless you count the gummy bear I found in my bra last night.
Here’s my foolproof(ish) guide to mentally preparing for the impending mayhem:
1. Lower All Expectations Immediately
Pinterest told me I should plan a structured, educational, sensory-friendly summer with themed snack bins and a color-coded calendar. Pinterest also told me I could make a toddler sensory board out of old water bottles and good intentions.
Reality check: We’re aiming for “alive and mostly fed.” If they learn something new this summer, it’ll be accidental and probably involve a bodily function. And that’s okay.
2. Embrace the Noise
Remember that thing called “quiet”? You won’t. Not until September.
My house sounds like a WWE match collided with a dinosaur documentary and someone gave the cameraman a kazoo. And that’s before 9 a.m. The baby is the calmest one, and that’s only because he hasn’t discovered Nerf guns yet. God help us all when he does.
3. Prepare the Pantry Like It’s the Hunger Games
Eleven-year-olds can eat nonstop. I swear mine is secretly training for an Olympic event called “Consume Everything Before Mom Notices.” I’ve learned to ration soda and Takis like I’m on a desert mission and to hide the good drinks and snacks like they’re state secrets. The top shelf of the pantry, behind the coffee, my bedroom bookcase currently houses Hershey's Kisses and maybe a stray peanut butter cup or two.
4. Get Creative with “Activities”
Yes, we’ll go to the park. Yes, we’ll swim. But also? We’ll see who can pick up the most socks off the floor for a prize. And yes, the prize is a popsicle. No, they won’t care. They’re feral by week two.
Also, water balloons count as both a chore (hydration!) and a workout (running for your life). Win-win.
5. Relinquish Control… of Everything
Screen time? Sure, as long as it’s not a YouTube video titled “Minecraft But We Yell for 18 Minutes Straight.”
Bedtime? I don’t even know what day it is.
Clean floors? Never met her.
There will be stickiness. There will be shouting. Someone will probably use a sharpie on something they shouldn’t. Just roll with it. Or roll under the couch where you hide and scream into a decorative pillow for 30 seconds a day.
6. Find Your “Summer Mom” Mantra
Mine is: “It’s fine. Everything is fine. This is fine.”
It pairs beautifully with iced coffee and an eye twitch.
Others I recommend:
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“Lower the volume, not your spirit.”
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“I’m not a cruise director, I’m just a woman standing in front of a house full of boys, asking them not to light anything on fire.”
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“Shut the fridge door before I lose what’s left of my sanity.
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7. Soak in the Madness (Because One Day, I’ll Miss It… Probably)
Yes, it’s loud. Yes, they bicker. Yes, someone will likely attempt to pee in the yard just because it’s “easier.” But these summers are numbered, and one day, the house will be too quiet and the pantry too full.
Until then, I’ll laugh when I can, cry in the closet if I must, and love the heck out of this messy, magical chaos.
Bring it on, summer. I’ve got coffee, snacks (hidden), and a moderately charged Bluetooth speaker. Let’s make some memories—and maybe some margaritas.
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